"It always amuses me that the biggest praise for my work comes for the imagination, while the truth is that there’s not a single line in all my work that does not have a basis in reality. The problem is that Caribbean reality resembles the wildest imagination.”
—Gabriel García Márquez from The Art of Fiction No. 69, The Paris Review
hang on, wait a second
i’m not ashamed to be a man but I sure am embarrassed because of all the men who should be ashamed
The American collegiate system in one gif set
the saddest part is that this isn’t even really a joke
reblogging yet again because this will probably always be my life.
1) The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.
The person who cares less is usually unwilling or unable to be vulnerable enough to invest in a potential relationship. They wouldn’t recognize a ‘perfect’ match if it came right over and sat on their lap.
2) Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.
Play games at your own risk. Just know that anyone who wants to muddy the waters of dating with shit tests and time wasting exercises isn’t for you. Good for you. They’ve done you a favor. Now get rid of them.
3) A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.
If you honestly can’t tell if someone’s into you or just into life, you can sack up and actually ask them, or hang around them and keep wondering. It’s your time, it’s your life.
4) Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.
If you want a firm answer on plans or an upcoming date, why not call them? If you’re so keen on calling, step up.
5) Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table.
Apparently, sometime in the last five years, being a flake was invented. Before that no one got stood up and plans never changed. Or maybe we were just more willing to admit that anyone who would stand us up or flake out in the last minute needs their blankie more than they need you. Keep walkin’.
6) Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles.
Don’t be good because you expect a reward; be good because no one and nothing can take away what you bring to others when you act like the good person you are. The universe doesn’t punish bad people; bad people punish themselves. They hurt others because they want what they can’t have or don’t feel they deserve. And unless they live in NYC or Mexico City, they will eventually make a name for themselves. It’s lonely on the outside.
7) The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all.
Ways to not be creepy—recognize other people’s boundaries; don’t feel entitled to their time or attention; treat them like complete people; not just people you find attractive.
8) “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay.
Why does every invitation to socialize you receive have to be sexual? Maybe the person who invited you out isn’t romantically appealing to you. Maybe you’ve just made a friend, or saved yourself three unsuccessful dates because you don’t even like the person. Or you could just ask.
9) Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not untilafter they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory.
News at 11—some people are total douchebags. If not being used to gratify someone else’s lust (because obviously if you’re hooking up you’re never doing it just because you’re horny) doesn’t appeal, tell them straight out what you’re really looking for and that you’re not putting out any time soon. (But feel free to change your mind.)
10) The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.
That about sums it up. I would add that unless the person you’re dating has a very quiet, regimented life, they might have bigger priorities than you wondering how they’re doing today. You’re dating, after all. Trying each other out. No one’s obligated to be available to you 24/7.
11) So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together together.
Sounds like someone’s talking from experience. You and the person you’re dating have to agree on how to define the relationship, and if you care deeply about the other person’s concepts of monogamy but you’re too bashful to ask, more the fool you. No one likes these conversations but they are important. If you haven’t got communication, you haven’t got much.
12) Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening.
If you’re the kind of person who thinks that your existence in someone’s dating life means that the Facebook or Instagram or Tumblr friends (or, as Hudspeth puts it, “opportunities”) should be stricken from the record, you’re not only creepy and insecure, but you’re fighting a losing battle. Folks cheated plenty before social media but they had to hide their flirtations better. Calm down, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that just because your new guy “likes” his friends bimbotastic, stripperific selfies, that doesn’t mean he’s trying to step out.
13) Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family.
God how cynical. This either says a lot about Hudspeth or a lot about his taste in partners. I think he’s confusing Facebook with Tinder.
14) You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced.
True. If you don’t like what you see, run the other direction, but this has nothing to do with “modern dating”. People typically don’t broadcast their insecurities or vulnerabilities to people they’re very attracted to. You have to find someone whose bummer flaws aren’t deal breakers for you, even though they might be deal breakers for someone else.
15) Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts.
Life is a series of relationships. It sucks, unless you consider that less “modern” dating was about trading women for sheep, or political alliances, or marriage out of wedlock, or being unable to remarry because of your social status, or being forced to marry because of your social status. We have more freedom to have the kind of love we want and to define our relationships than we ever have in the history of humanity. This is less about modernity and more about existential ennui.
16) When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you.
This right here is right back to #2, and is some childish nonsense for real. You don’t need to put up with someone that shouts out your misdeeds in coded language all over social media but won’t actually tell you when you’re out of line. Bounce on that devil.
17) There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn’t embedded in everyone.
Girl code and guy code are bullshit. Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you’d be furious if your best friend started dating your recent ex, don’t you even do that shit. Because it’s lousy and hurtful to do, not because she’s a woman and so are you. There has literally never been a stupider reason to act with decency. You are better than that.
18) If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate.
Guess what? There’s no nice way to dump someone and there’s no nice way to get dumped. It’s gonna suck. You’re going to feel jilted. Or if you’re doing the dumping, you’re gonna feel like a cad whether you wait till after your date’s birthday and send a bouquet of white roses, or whether you send a text that reads “It’s over” and block their number. Unless you totally lack empathy, breakups suck. You’re entitled to be hurt. Everyone goes through these experiences all the time. Relationships decay and new ones spring up in their wake. You’ll get through feeling crummy for a couple days, unless you keep the corpse of an old flame around forever like some scary taxidermied elk head. It’ll take you aeons to get over that shit.
from Thought Catalogue’s “18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With”.
Feminism is having a wardrobe malfunction.
Does your brand of feminism remove barriers for women, or simply move them around? Does is expand options for women, or does it just shift them? You don’t liberate women by forcing them to choose option B instead of option A. What is comfortable for you might not be comfortable for someone else, and it’s entirely possible that what you see as oppressive, other women find comfortable or even downright liberating.
Before you think the girl in the middle is a strawman, let me tell you I used to be her, back in my misguided youth. I considered myself the standard to which other people should adhere. But that was stupid. It’s not up to me to tell people how to dress, and it’s much nicer to let everyone choose for themselves.
Some women would feel naked without a veil. Some women would find it restrictive. Some women would feel restricted by a bra. Some women would feel naked without one. Some women would feel restricted by a tight corset. Others love them. Some wear lots of clothes with a corset. Some only wear the corset and nothing else. What makes any article of clothing oppressive is someone forcing you to wear it. And it’s just as oppressive to force someone not to wear something that they want to wear.
big puffy gorgeous ridiculous like what the fuck are you
It’s a manul, aka Pallas cat, aka wild lumploaf and they are basically the best and most ridiculous big puffy gorgeous ridiculouses in the world.